Unforgiveness...

As a Christian, I know that it is my duty to forgive. I am not supposed to keep a record of wrongs. I am to turn the other cheek. All the time. Every time. Man, this is hard!

I'm having trouble with this one. Probably because the forgive-ee in question seems to do the offending action repeatedly. The action? Lying. Having others lie for him. Sneaking. Being untruthful. Lying by omission. Lying in general. I hate lying. I detest lying.

This certain person who lies to me all the time does so on purpose. He does it often. And wonders why I feel that he cannot be trusted. And this person's family also does it. For him. For their own reasons? I don't know. But, it makes me ANGRY! It makes me feel like an idiot when I am taken in and made to believe their pack of lies. I envision them all sitting around having a good laugh at getting Carrie to believe yet another one while HE gets away scott-free. I envision them all plotting out their next round of lies. I honestly believe that this does go on. Because of experience. Isn't that sad?

See, I think if you have to lie about something, it's apparently something that is dishonest and wrong to begin with. Therefore, I don't do anything that I would have to lie about. I am honest. I don't HIDE things or OMIT them or flat out LIE about them just because I want my own way about something.

But, this other person.... He does. Even when give every opportunity to tell the truth. Even when confronted with the truth. Still..... lies.

And then there is supposed to be trust? (Maniacal Laughter)

Any type of relationship is supposed to be built on love and TRUST. But, how do you trust someone who lies to you? I mean, how do you go back to believing everything they say when you feel you can't believe ANYTHING they say?

I know what I'm supposed to do... but how do I do it? I may have forgiven the stove for burning me, but will I ever trust it again not to? No!

I sit here harboring a bunch of negative emotions that make me feel physically ill. Anger, mistrust, disgust, sadness, hurt, embarrassment, more anger. It probably wouldn't be so bad if maybe there was an apology. Any type of remorse at all. But there isn't any. From him or any of his family. It's supposed to be just get over it and move on. Don't ever mention it. Don't ever react to it. Don't EVER show any negative emotion to it because THAT is why WE HAVE TO LIE TO YOU!

I want some justice! I want an apology. I want a confession - a heartfelt one because they feel bad, not one that I have to rip out of their throats with a pair of vice-grips! I want to get back at them. I want them out of my life forever! I want to never have to feel like an idiot because someone else fooled me into believing a bunch of B.S.

But, that's just me.  I know that I am bigger than that. I also know that my God is bigger than that. I know that He understands all these emotions that I am feeling and the difficulty I am having forgiving these people. I also know something else. And this is why I am going to wrap this all up in a pretty little package with a bow on top and hand it to God.........

I know that He loves them. I know that He loves them while they are sinners, just as he loves me. I know that He died on a cross for THEM, just as He did for me. I know that they are precious in His sight. I know that one day He will rejoice when they come to Him in repentance and tears and realization that they hurt me and so many other people with their sin. I know that they may not fully realize what they do is wrong because they do not know the Truth, the Way and the Life. I know that they may not realize that their actions are leading them down a path that could possibly lead them to Hell. And, I know that my unforgiveness towards them might play a part in keeping them on that path instead of the one they should be on.

Because, what would someone who does not love God do? Not forgive them.

*sigh*

Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. Right now I choose to forgive these people. Right now I ask God for the Grace to keep loving these people. Right now I release my anger and my hurt and my disappointment and my sadness to Him and receive from Him the healing that only He can give me. I will not be kept in bondage any longer to these negative emotions. I ask that this wrongdoing towards me be thrown to the deepest parts of the ocean, just as my sins are when I ask for forgiveness. I ask that the 'slate' between myself and these people be wiped clean and that I will harbor no offense towards them. I stand in the Gap for these people and ask that they are brought into the fold of believers and become sons and daughters of the Most High God. I ask that they be brought to the full knowledge of their calling. And I thank my Father, the Lover of My Soul, for helping me in my journey, for the answer to my prayers and for His Loving  Faithfulness.
In Jesus Name◦

Unforgiveness...

Warm Up America... Care to join us?

Recently while blog hopping, I came across a blog owned by my new friend Lavonda.  You can visit at:
http://writeforhim.blogspot.com/ .

Now, she had posted that she was involved with Warm Up America Foundation, making crocheted, knitted or quilted rectangles to be sewn together to make blankets for people in need. And she put out the call to action to join her in this endeavor.  Needless to say, I have! 

I learned to crochet as a child and have loved it ever since my mom showed me the basic single stitch.  I always end up giving away what I make anyway, so this is another way to 'share the love'. 

I would like to invite you all to check out Lavonda's Blog and read through her posts about Warm Up America and our group of crafters. If you would like to join us, please submit a comment while there, or while here and let us know!

Have a wonderful day!
Carrie◦

Warm Up America... Care to join us?

My New Church Home

All I can say is 'Wow'! 

I've finally found my new church home.  East Calhoun Church is what I've been looking for these last few years.

It may be hard for some people to understand, but I believe that God has a calling on everyone. But, they need to be in the right place to be fed spiritually. Some churches are just not what feeds our spirit and leave us feeling empty, not inspired. This is just because we are all different. We have preferences for different types of preaching, singing, worship, etc. I knew that I would find what I was looking for eventually, but had randomly church-hopped and still not found it.

Now, I have and I feel peace.

My children had fun in their children's programs. They were happy to be there and excited about what they had done and learned. They look forward to going back! J.T. even went with me and handled the Pentecostal aspect of it very well. Although, I believe he would have bolted for the door if the Pastor had tried to lay hands on him. (teehee!)

I am even encouraging him to go to the Men's Conference. I told him I would pay the $30 so he could go and have a mini-vacation. I think he is considering it, though he is terrified that all the men will do is speak in tongues and try to slay him in the spirit, rofl. I'll keep working on it (Help, God!).

If J.T. became a Christian, I don't know what I would do. I would probably be the happiest woman on the face of the earth.

Just thought I would share.  And if anyone would like to hear some great teaching,  please visit East Calhoun Church's Website and click on the media link to see what I'm talking about.

Have a Blessed one!
Carrie◦

My New Church Home

Picking Myself Up By The Bootstraps..

God has been really working on me for the last few months.  He has been working on me forever, but, I mean really hitting me hard lately.

See, I haven't been to church in a long time. I have not sat down and had quiet time with Him for a long time. I have kept myself busy with work and the house and work and everything else BUT Him. I have had Sundays off now for months, but my excuse for not going to church is that Sunday is my ONLY day to sleep in, relax and not have to do anything. So, I stay home and occupy myself with other things.  I don't go to church on Wednesdays because I work till 6pm and by the time I were to go home, get the kids and  try to make it to a service, it would be over. So, I don't go then either.

Know what God told me?  "Too bad, so sad, Carrie. Sunday is MY day and YOU ARE NEGLECTING ME!"

Ouch....

Know what else he told me?  "I am not your S.O.S. God!"

Double Ouch...

I stand corrected.  I repent. I will be at services tomorrow.

See, He has led a few people into my life these last few months whom He has used to convict me as well. His Spirit has spoken to me in quiet whispers that have haunted me with guilt.  (Yes, I believe that God uses guilt to get our attention.. Why not? He made all of our emotions, why wouldn't He use them?) And He has also used these lovely people to hold me accountable.

Yes, Lord, I Get It!

Now, I know that when I am around other Christians I feel amazing. I feel free to be 'me'. I have the desire to serve Him even more. I want to pronounce my faith. I want to discuss Him. I want to learn more about Him. I want to share my stories about Him.

And when I am left on my own...

I tend to become lukewarm. Thank God, He hasn't spit me out yet, but I bet He has a sour look on His face!

I also need to get my children fed spiritually. They used to be 'on fire' for God. Now, they looked at me like I was taking them to a torture chamber when I said we were going to church tomorrow.  Not Good!

It's time to pick myself up by the bootstraps and with His help, get back on track.

Here I go again!◦

Picking Myself Up By The Bootstraps..