I'm having trouble with this one. Probably because the forgive-ee in question seems to do the offending action repeatedly. The action? Lying. Having others lie for him. Sneaking. Being untruthful. Lying by omission. Lying in general. I hate lying. I detest lying.
This certain person who lies to me all the time does so on purpose. He does it often. And wonders why I feel that he cannot be trusted. And this person's family also does it. For him. For their own reasons? I don't know. But, it makes me ANGRY! It makes me feel like an idiot when I am taken in and made to believe their pack of lies. I envision them all sitting around having a good laugh at getting Carrie to believe yet another one while HE gets away scott-free. I envision them all plotting out their next round of lies. I honestly believe that this does go on. Because of experience. Isn't that sad?
See, I think if you have to lie about something, it's apparently something that is dishonest and wrong to begin with. Therefore, I don't do anything that I would have to lie about. I am honest. I don't HIDE things or OMIT them or flat out LIE about them just because I want my own way about something.
But, this other person.... He does. Even when give every opportunity to tell the truth. Even when confronted with the truth. Still..... lies.
And then there is supposed to be trust? (Maniacal Laughter)
Any type of relationship is supposed to be built on love and TRUST. But, how do you trust someone who lies to you? I mean, how do you go back to believing everything they say when you feel you can't believe ANYTHING they say?
I know what I'm supposed to do... but how do I do it? I may have forgiven the stove for burning me, but will I ever trust it again not to? No!
I sit here harboring a bunch of negative emotions that make me feel physically ill. Anger, mistrust, disgust, sadness, hurt, embarrassment, more anger. It probably wouldn't be so bad if maybe there was an apology. Any type of remorse at all. But there isn't any. From him or any of his family. It's supposed to be just get over it and move on. Don't ever mention it. Don't ever react to it. Don't EVER show any negative emotion to it because THAT is why WE HAVE TO LIE TO YOU!
I want some justice! I want an apology. I want a confession - a heartfelt one because they feel bad, not one that I have to rip out of their throats with a pair of vice-grips! I want to get back at them. I want them out of my life forever! I want to never have to feel like an idiot because someone else fooled me into believing a bunch of B.S.
But, that's just me. I know that I am bigger than that. I also know that my God is bigger than that. I know that He understands all these emotions that I am feeling and the difficulty I am having forgiving these people. I also know something else. And this is why I am going to wrap this all up in a pretty little package with a bow on top and hand it to God.........
I know that He loves them. I know that He loves them while they are sinners, just as he loves me. I know that He died on a cross for THEM, just as He did for me. I know that they are precious in His sight. I know that one day He will rejoice when they come to Him in repentance and tears and realization that they hurt me and so many other people with their sin. I know that they may not fully realize what they do is wrong because they do not know the Truth, the Way and the Life. I know that they may not realize that their actions are leading them down a path that could possibly lead them to Hell. And, I know that my unforgiveness towards them might play a part in keeping them on that path instead of the one they should be on.
Because, what would someone who does not love God do? Not forgive them.
*sigh*
Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. Right now I choose to forgive these people. Right now I ask God for the Grace to keep loving these people. Right now I release my anger and my hurt and my disappointment and my sadness to Him and receive from Him the healing that only He can give me. I will not be kept in bondage any longer to these negative emotions. I ask that this wrongdoing towards me be thrown to the deepest parts of the ocean, just as my sins are when I ask for forgiveness. I ask that the 'slate' between myself and these people be wiped clean and that I will harbor no offense towards them. I stand in the Gap for these people and ask that they are brought into the fold of believers and become sons and daughters of the Most High God. I ask that they be brought to the full knowledge of their calling. And I thank my Father, the Lover of My Soul, for helping me in my journey, for the answer to my prayers and for His Loving Faithfulness.
In Jesus Name◦
2 comments:
Amen and Amen
Hang in there sister. You know what is the right thing to do. I know it is hard. Been there done that. ;)
My "reaction" to truth has been used as an excuse for others to lie to me too. It has been a growing and maturing experience for me, but I have put out a special effort to make sure that those that lie to me can trust me with the truth. It takes a long time, but it does help. When they know they can trust me not to blow or over react or judge or whatever @ the truth, then there will not be a reason to lie. Most men will lie to the women in their lives just to keep themselves out of trouble. Sad but true.
Keep holding to THE TRUTH, and He will set you free! :)
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